NEWSFLASH: Using Wolf Urine Works to Deter Coyotes – KTVN 2 News

gray-wolf-head-canis-lupus-436x544Of course we’ve known our 100% Wolf Pee is an effective deterrent against coyotes for years, but it is always nice to have some independent confirmation. Check out this story from a local tv station in the Reno-Sparks, NV area – and don’t worry it is not FAKE NEWS.

“There are a few ways to deter wildlife from coming onto your property. Here in Reno-Sparks, many are trying to keep coyotes out of their yards.

Wolf urine is one of the most widely-used deterrents in our area, according to Michael Beran, Owner and Operator of Wildlife Command Center. Beran says that’s in part because people can order it online and in large amounts.

So how does it work? It plays off of their animal instincts. Bill Chamberlain, Director of the United States Wolf Refuge in Reno, says, “Their sense of smell, their sense of hearing is so intuitive, that the scent of wolf urine lays out the scent of an adversary.” Beran adds, “That instinct is very, very effective against a female coyote, especially one that’s thinking about, or is, denning.”

Therefore, if the coyote lurking around your home is a female, then wolf urine would likely do the trick. But, when it comes to the male, especially urban coyotes like we see in our area, it likely won’t be effective. Beran explains, “He’s never experienced the wolf, so he doesn’t know the threat, and so he’s just not as afraid.”

However, if your curiosity is piqued and you’re looking for a non-lethal option to keep coyotes at bay, you may think it’s worth the try–especially if you’re unsure if it’s a male or female coyote, or perhaps both, near your neighborhood.

If you do try it, Beran says the application process is important.  Always squirt the product on a fence or pole–above the height of your knee. He explains, “The higher that lift is, the bigger an animal thinks that predator is. Apply the urine to all major posts or fences along your yard, similar to a wolf marking its territory.

Now for the million dollar question: How do companies collect the urine?

It comes from wolves living in preserves and kennels with special flooring. Those floors have collection troughs underneath, so when they urinate, it goes into that trough, where manufacturers are able to collect and process it.

Beran says, if raccoons are your problem, wolf urine is a completely effective deterrent in that case.

We’d like to point out that the U.S. Wolf Refuge in Reno shown in this story does not collect their wolves’ urine. PredatorPee is one of many wolf urine sellers available online. To check them out, click here.

If you’d like to learn more about the refuge, which houses more than a dozen wolves and runs completely off of donations, click here.

To learn more about coyote removal efforts and prevention, click here. ”

By Elizabeth Olveda

http://www.ktvn.com/story/37299694/using-wolf-urine-to-deter-coyotes-does-it-work

(As an aside, our long term experience with the predator-prey instinct principle has demonstrated time and again that the fear is instinctual and not based on exposure to the predator, therefore, in this case,  the wolf urine works to deter both male and female coyotes)

Until I find more words(my own or others’) . . .The PeeMan

Rodents Cause More Than £370m Of Damage Annually To Cars in the UK Alone

Guest Blogger Toby Bateson

Rats are renowned for being highly destructive. They are well known to damage food, clothing and buildings. roof-rat-961499_640They also target machines and computers, including the wiring in your car engine. Repairs can be expensive, sometimes an entire car may need rewiring as a result. For a high end sports car or SUV this can be in the region of £7000.

car-482683_640Research by Hammer Technologies has shown that an amazing 9% of car users in the UK have had their car damaged by rodents at some point. Damage found included chewed pipes, bitten plastic cowling and broken wires and pipes.

The reason they tend to do this is thought to be because their teeth grow constantly throughout their lives. They chew on hard materials such as steel wires in order to wear their teeth down. The warm engines of cars are also thought to attract rats looking for a home.

The survey demonstrated that the average cost of repair came to £300. The total cost of rat damage to cars every year was calculated to be an amazing £377,410,90.

The way this figure was found, if you are interested, is as follows.

In 2013 31 million cars were on the road in the UK, according to official Department of Transport figures. The survey showed an average of 1.86 rat damage events for each person who was affected. Eight of the 33 episodes reported occurred in the previous year.

9% of those surveyed had suffered rodent damage to their cars. The following sum calculates the total cost of the damage. 9% * 31 million cars * £300 * 1.86 episodes per person * (8÷33) episodes in the last year = £377,410,909.

If you have a car make sure you do everything you can to protect yourself. The PeeMan has products which will protect your car from rat damage.  Visit the store  now to get the protection you need.

PredatorPee® – Keeping it simple.

 

Back in 1999 when we first put PredatorPee.com on line, things were different. You could put up graphics and information, but you couldn’t actually buy anything. You looked it up online, then you called in your order. The connections were all dial-up and slower than mud. It was pretty Mickey Mouse, but you could sense that something big was brewing. I can remember telling someone “If women can ever shop on this thing, it’s going to be huge!”
Pretty prophetic for the PeeMan, wouldn’t you say? But, we’ve always been a bit ahead of our time.

A news story written about us at the time, had the headline: “This E-Business is in the Pee Business” – catchy, wasn’t it?  So, here we are 17 years later and this Pee Business is still in the E-Business in a big way.

We now have a whole bunch of websites (a few are listed below) for a variety of “unique and useful products from Maine”. We try to keep them simple and functional – not a lot of flash. Here are some of our basics:

  • Good, informative content – sometimes clever, sometimes marked by a little juvenile humor
  • Fast, Free Shipping – if you order today, it goes out tomorrow. Weekend orders go our Monday. Everything shipped free via Priority Mail to USA and Canada
  • Quick answers to your questions – don’t you hate it when you email a website and never hear back? That won’t happen here. Email ask-the-PeeMan – during the week, he is pretty quick – a little slower on the weekend.
  • Pay your way. paypal-cc-amazonCredit card, PayPal or go right to Amazon and order – your way is the way we like it!
  • Best Guarantee in the Business: We guarantee PredatorPee® will work or guarantee4141we’ll send you another “flavor” to try. If the critters still don’t cooperate, we’ll send you your money back! We’ll make it work or we’ll make it right.

To sum things up, when it comes to our e-business,

we want to treat you like we like to be treated. Pretty simple.

www.PredatorPee.com

www.MaineCrusherHats.com

www.BootGrease.com

www.HawkStopper.com

www.HotDoe.com

www.MaineOutdoorSolutions.com

 

New Hawkstopper puts the Freedom back into Free-Range!

As an entrepreneur, my mind is working non stop on developing new and useful products. The long winter months in Maine give me plenty of time to think. Well, the calendar says its Spring and I have a brand new product to introduce! HawkStopper . . .

When you and your chickens go free range, it gets noticed! Especially by Mr. Hawk. Hawks, while soaring high above, use their keen eyesight to locate chickens and then dive-bomb at near super-sonic speed to attack the unsuspecting flock.  Well, we have found a way to use that keen eyesight to fool Mr. Hawk into thinking the chickens are protected by an impenetrable barrier.

How does HawkStopper work? When you call someone eagle eye, it’s because they have sharp eyesight. But in reality, no human’s eyesight comes even close to the visual capabilities of predatory raptores like hawks, eagles and falcons. These birds see about 8 times better than humans – they see things sharper and from a greater distance than anything we can imagine. HawkStopper uses the hawks’ eyesight to turn an easy-to-hawkstopper-visual-deflection-logo-900handle, inexpensive, lightweight 1500 square foot mesh into a formidable shield. The HawkStopper net looks almost invisible to us, but to a hawk it looks like a steel grate! To a hawk, the HawkStopper looks 8 times bigger and 8 times stronger than it is and they can see  8 times farther away than we can!

This concept was first used to protect salt-water salmon farms in the Gulf of Maine from predatory sea birds. HawkStopper now uses the same principles of visual deflection to protect free-range chickens, turkeys and ducks as well as koi, catfish and other inland pond or farm-raised fish. If you need hawk protection, HawkStopper is worth checking out. HawkStopper is made in the USA.

See our ad in the latest edition of Backyard Poultry Magazine

Just another in a line of useful products designed by PredatorPee to help keep predators and pests away!

Until I find more words(or products). . .The PeeMan

 

PredatorPee® and the Big 3 –  Food, Fear and Sex

Now those of you who know the PeeMan might think that this is nothing more than a juvenile attempt at an attention-getting headline. And you would be partially right. The PeeMan does have slight inclination toward the juvenile and the attention-getting. But this time there is so much more!

You see, in the wild, PredatorPee® is always right smack dab in the middle of the Big 3.  When animals do anything, it is always related to the Big 3. They are either looking for food, trying not to be food or looking for sex. Pretty basic stuff, but to be successful, they really need to know what is going on around them.  That’s where urine comes in. The scent of urine is the original wireless communication system.

When they are looking for a mate, the scent of the urine will tell both the good news and the bad news. The good news would be “whoopee” there’s a hot date nearby and the bad news would be that some other alpha-critter has already staked claim to the territory.

When they are looking for food, it is the absence of pee that is the good news because it means there are not predators around and the buffet (your garden or shrubs) is open! But that all stops in a hurry, when they catch a whiff of a predator’s urine. When they sense that a predator may be near by, it means that there is a decision that must be made. And it may be a decision of life or death.  Is it going to be a delicious snack or will it be their last supper? The instinctive drive to survive usually wins out, they choose not to be the food and they go somewhere else (your neighbor’s garden) to find a safer food source.

That’s how PredatorPee® works – it’s an all natural motivator that animals understand very well!  The concept is helpful to understand when you set up the PredatorPee®-rimeter around your garden.

If fear and food are in competition with each other, why make it a fair fight? Its always a good idea to remove pet food etc. and to position the ScentTags or 33Day Dispensers back aways from any possible food source like the garden itself so that the pest animal will get a good sniff of the PredatorPee® well before he smells your tomatoes.

Until I find more(attention getting)words . . .The PeeMan

 

Ask the PeeMan- Rodent Control

It’s Wednesday again and time for our weekly “Ask The PeeMan” segment. Rodents seem to be coming up a lot this time of year. The PeeMan has the answer.

Q.  Good afternoon!
I have a question regarding the Coyote PeeShots . I’m looking at them for a basement style room with a large sliding door that opens onto a driveway. It’s a fairly busy beach area, and we have rats! Our organization works with children, so this is a no go! The description says that they are “long-lasting,” and I’m wondering how long that typically is. Please let me know what the average length of use is.

Thank you!
Best,
Caroline

A.  Caroline,
At least a month. 2 months or more if there isn’t much air circulation in the placement area – like under a sink.
Here is the direct link:
http://www.predatorpeestore.com/Predator-PeeShots.html

KJ The PeeMan

Q.  I came across your site through a company called “Solutions”. I have had an issue with having mice enter my house over the past 2-4 years. I am not sure of their entry point BUT I really would like to deter them from entering at all !!!

My house is small, 984 sq. feet….. full basement below, attached garage with door leading to back patio. I am wondering how much of the bobcat or coyote urine I would need to protect my home throughout the winter season. Also, where should I place the deterrents? I do have dogs in the home, so I am also wondering what their response will be to this product.

Thank you
Kristine

A.  Kristine,
Thank you for contacting the PeeMan. If you have mice already in your home, use our Bobcat PeeShots  for indoor use.
Mice usually enter near openings like where wires and pipes come in, or under garage doors etc. Use the Bobcat Trigger spray bottle and squirt around any areas like that. Dogs will just be curious nothing more. See all the bobcat products for mice at this link:
http://www.predatorpeestore.com/mice-problems-bobcat-urine.html
KJ The PeeMan

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Until I find more words . . .The PeeMan

Guest Blogger – Bones The Coyote

Last week we heard from P. Catcher about his first day on the job. Today, we get an entirely different perspective. Enjoy! It’s unreal and maybe not entirely G-rated.

First Day at the Farm by Bones The Coyote
My name is Bones…as in after I hunt, there’s nothing left but the bones. When I first arrived at the Farm, I had the same attitude as most new inmates. I didn’t like the idea of losing my freedom. I was four years old at the time and I enjoyed roaming the woods, wild and free. I liked working alone, or with a pack if they were good. Life was not always easy, but I got by. If it wasn’t for that chicken farmer, I’d still be there. I still don’t know how I fell for that trap. Too greedy, I guess. So, they sent me to the Farm…. for life. I didn’t like it one bit. Fences, guards….this was definitely not my style. The truck came through the gate and pulled up the processing building. White coats—I knew what that meant. Sure

bones

Bones

enough, shots and more shots and then a collar. Blaze orange, definitely not my color. I felt the antenna brush against my ear. The end of freedom. They led me through a door and I found myself outside in a small field surrounded by trees. Time to socialize. I started sniffing around. Wow! Women! I’d never picked up such a concentrated scent before. I never thought this place could be coed. But, now that I think of it, I’d never heard of anyone trying to escape. Maybe this wasn’t going to be all bad, after all. I saw a bunch of inmates heading down to couple of old stumps. I followed along behind at a safe distance. What happened next is pretty hard to describe. There was a human off in the distance and when he pulled a handle, the tops of those stumps sort of popped open and stuff started spewing out. I couldn’t tell for sure what was coming out, but those other inmates were eating it like there was no tomorrow. This was curious. Most other coyotes I knew preferred meals they had to chase, but this bunch were bellying up to a stump and having a real feast. I slid quietly into the group for a closer look. Well, what the heck, I was pretty hungry. So I tried a few nibbles. Salty, real salty, but good. “What is this stuff anyway?” I ventured to ask to no one in particular. “Pretzels and popcorn,” came the garbled response. “Never heard of it,” I thought to myself. But, it was tasty. Every bite I took seemed to compel me towards another one. You could get hooked on this stuff. I finally gave in and just gorged myself with abandon. The stuff kept coming and coming out of that stump like there was a never ending supply. Then it started. I had been real thirsty before, like the time when I finally got that old rooster out at the Benton place. Man, was he tough and dry. But, this was different, really different! Water! Water! I needed water fast. My tongue was like sandstone. My throat was like a rusty pipe. Then I noticed the inmates were on the move again and moving quite quickly. They ran to a nearby stream and began drinking loudly. I didn’t waste any time joining them. My first gulp told me something was very unusual. Wrong color, wrong flavor and fizzy and foamy too ….but not bad. The other inmates seemed to enjoy it and I was thirsty after all. So I drank, no the truth was I slurped and sloshed and guzzled. I could feel my thirst subsiding a bit, but I felt a little light-headed and unsteady as well. “Easy big fella,” said the cute one next to me as I swayed a little to my left. “Excuse me,” I said in a voice that didn’t seem like my own. “New at the Farm? What’s your name?” she asked. “First day, Bones is my name, ma’am, what’s yours?” I said. “I’m Kitty. What are you in for?,” she asked. “Chickens,” I said, “what about you?” “Sheep. Well, lambs actually. Those big ones can be nasty,” she said. “This place is pretty strange, don’t you think? Eating out of stumps and drinking yellow fizzy water. I’m not sure I like it,” I said trying not to slur my words. “You’ll get used to it. It’s a real friendly place and it’s got everything you need. Just be careful and watch out for the Urine Collector. I hear there is a trainee on today,” she said quietly. “Urine Collector? What do you mean?” I asked nervously. “Yeah, the Urine Collector. It’s how you earn your keep. Did you think they were going to let you live like this for nothing? Look, here at the Farm, you get all sex you want, all the food you can eat and all the beer you can drink. All they want back is your pee,” she explained. “MY PEE!” I screamed. “Yeah, your pee. It’s not so bad. Most of the time you hardly know the Collectors are around. They usually sneak up behind you while your busy at the beer stream and they’re gone before you know it. They sell it to people who want to make other animals think they have coyotes around. Can you believe it? Don’t look now, but I think there is a Collector coming now,” she said as she glanced over her right shoulder. Sure enough there was a human in a big padded suit wriggling along the ground behind the coyotes to my right. He had a long handled pan in its hand and was sliding it under the rear end of one of the inmates down the line. I kept an eye on him for a while, but man I was thirsty. I stuck my snout back in that stream and lapped and lapped. I liked this stuff more and more. Beer, is that what she called it? I didn’t care what it was called and the more I drank, the less I cared about the Urine Collector anymore. That was a mistake. Man, I really had to pee. I stepped a little to one side and tried to lift my leg in my normal style. But, my coordination was a little off and I slipped a bit. Then I felt it. The pain only a man understands. Something whacked me good and my knees folded. As the pain was transforming itself into rage, I looked around to find out who was responsible for this cowardly attack on my most private possessions. I came eyeball to eyeball with the Urine Collector. He had whacked me with that cold steel pan. He was going to die. He knew it too. He tried to scramble to his feet, tripped and fell headlong into the beer stream. Now was my chance, I assumed full attack position ……or I thought I did. My mind was in full attack mode, but my legs and paws had something entirely different in mind. I had never run sideways before, but it was happening now. I bowled over a couple of other inmates in the process. “Hey, watch it, turkey!” they growled. I shouldn’t have said it, especially on my first day. But, for some reason I wasn’t thinking clearly. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it had something to do with their mother and a German shepherd. However, there was no doubt that they heard it and understood the implied meaning of my words. What a mess! As I staggered to resume pursuit of the Urine Collector, I now had two really aggravated inmates in pursuit of me! Fortunately, their attack mode wasn’t working much better than mine. I almost got a piece of that Collector just before he slammed that door in my face and I crumbled into a heap on top of my fellow inmates. They seemed a little more dazed than I was and I managed to extricate myself from the pile and make my way to the other side of the field. As I tried to get oriented, I noticed Kitty over by the edge of the woods. I could tell from the look in her eye she had something on her mind. Boy, was my mind fuzzy. What did she say before about life at the Farm. All the food, beer and…….what else did she say? If only I could remember…

 

Until I find more words. . .The PeeMan

Thoughts on the Coyote Problem

Greetings! Winter returned in a big way up here with a foot of freshly fallen snow and arctic air right on its heels. Good day for bloggin’

Over 30 years ago, when we first pioneered the use of Predator Urine to control animal pests; the big animal problem in the U.S was deer.  The spread of suburbia into the rural areas of the country coupled with more restrictive hunting laws caused the deer herds to expand and discover new gourmet menu choices amidst the suburban lawns and gardens. Deer no longer had to struggle to find food when a veritable smorgasbord of delights awaited them within and easy amble. Cedar hedges, ornamental shrubs, garden vegetables, and the low-hanging fruit of those pretty little dwarf apple trees.

And, alas, the homeowners were not amused and the use of Predator Urine  as a deterrent was born. COYOTEPROBSBut, the homeowners were not the only ones who noticed the expansion of the deer herd. Coyotes took notice. Over the last 30 years we have been able to watch the way nature always works to stay in balance. I see this as evidence of God’s perfect design, others see it differently. But no matter how you see it, you must admit it is a wonder to observe.

Where there were once few people and the deer struggled to survive became places where people live and work and deer exceed the capacity of the landscape.  Now, enter the coyote. The coyote has made its presence known in a big way throughout the urban and suburban landscape of the U.S.

Now, 30 years later, the biggest pest facing homeowners in America is the coyote and once again the PeeMan has the answer. PredatorPee® WolfPee is now the biggest selling PredatorPee® product in the American market.  But don’t take my word for it, just check out what’s come to my PeeMail inbox:

“…After we bought your WolfPee last year, we did not have any problems with coyotes whatsoever and we thank you for that. New year and we have three cats we must protect. I thank you and will place my large order soon…”

Margery F. Walpole, MA

“I believe this is my third purchase from you, and it seems to be deterring the coyotes, so I’m going to continue hanging it on my fence to keep them at bay, from my doggies.”

Susanne – Denver, CO

“Predator Pee has worked and I have become your loyal customer. Your service is prompt and accurate!”

Kathy – Livingston, NJ

“I have been ordering the wolf pee from you for a couple years now…There is no one else who does what you do!”

Laurie – Corrales, NM

“It really works…we haven’t seen a coyote in the neighborhood for years now.”

Nancy – Woodinville, WA

But it is not only our customers that have discovered that WolfPee works for Coyotes. In largest study of urban coyotes ever conducted, researchers working with Stan Gehrt, an assistant professor at Ohio State University found that wolf urine  worked successfully to kept coyotes out of a yard. Wolves were at one time natural enemies of the coyotes.

And even celebrities like Kristen Ritter are talking about it. Here is what she had to say on Conan.

This just makes me ponder: “What will be next?”

Until I find more words(or the next big pest). . .The PeeMan

 

 

 

 

Guest Blogger – P. Catcher

I have noticed some blogs have famous guest bloggers share their thoughts from time to time. So, I figured I would try to get one myself. I did and he is certainly one of a kind. Enjoy. . .

How I became a Urine Collector

By P. Catcher

When I applied for the job, I was looking for a ground floor opportunity and I found it. The ad I responded to read something like this: Looking for adventure? Work closely with wild animals in their natural environment. Great health, accident and death benefits. Athletic flexibility a plus. Uniforms provided. Ground floor opportunity with potential for fast movement. Call for interview. Now, I was curious. This sounded like just the job I was looking for. I called for the interview and made the appointment. The address was on a dead-end road about 10 miles out from town. The office was rustic in a pleasant sort of way. But, the first thing I noticed was the smell. It wasn’t strong or overpowering, but it was everywhere. The receptionist was pleasant and made the normal small-talk that receptionists make with applicants for “ground floor opportunities”. Soon I was ushered into a large conference room populated by stuffed mounts of snarling coyotes, wolves, bobcats and foxes. With eight pairs of sightless eyes boring into me from all sides, I was more than a little uncomfortable. The door opened and a huge bearded man entered. The room suddenly became much smaller. As I took his meaty hand, I wondered if this same hand played an active role in the fate of the critters adorning the walls of the room. Mr. Henderson explained that his company was in the waste recycling business and need help in processing the waste materials and readying them for their new markets. “Excuse me, Mr. Henderson, but I thought this job had something to do with wild animals in the great outdoors, not waste recycling. Am I at the right place?” I said. “Yes, Mr. Catcher, you are in the right place. Come with me and I think it will become clearer,” said Mr. Henderson with a slight grin on his face. He took me down outside towards a long, low building. I noticed by now that I had become quite used to the smell, but it was definitely getting stronger as we approached the building. We entered through a steel door into a clean room with white walls and bright light. Along the walls hung large heavy-looking overalls and on a shelf were stacks of long rubber gloves with thick leather cuffs. On a rack above were rows of headgear that looked like a cross between a welders hood and an NFL helmet. A row of rubber overshoes lined the base of the wall. “Let’s suit up,” said Henderson. I was a little wary now, but I picked out a suit that looked about my size and began to put it on. It was much lighter than it looked, but thick and well padded. The helmet was light also with a mesh face protector that provided excellent peripheral vision. The gloves allowed for surprising dexterity and the boots provided great traction. I watched Mr. Henderson finish suiting up. He now appeared superhuman in size and power. I supposed I couldn’t get into too much trouble with him around. Henderson purposefully walked to the far end of the room, released a deadbolt and opened the door. He motioned for me to be quiet and follow. The door opened outside into a lightly wooded area. I could see high fences enclosed the perimeter. Large water tanks stood next to the building with spigots that emptied into a low trough camouflaged to look like a stream. I looked around. Even though I couldn’t be sure, I had the distinct impression that we were not alone. “Look over there behind that pine tree,” whispered Mr. Henderson. My eyes scanned over towards the pine tree. I saw nothing at first, but gradually my eyes separated a distinctive shape from the background. It was a coyote. I recognized it from those public TV National Geographic specials. “Watch this,” said Mr. Henderson. He went over to two tree stumps. Big twin maples that had long ago been cut down. Each stump was about 2 feet in diameter. He reached down, grabbed some sort of handle and pulled. Instantly the tops of the stumps popped up like lids on a hinged trash cans. I glanced back and saw the coyote start to move. I looked into the stump and could not believe my eyes. bottle“Beer nuts and popcorn, they love ’em,” said Henderson. Henderson backed slowly away from the stumps and as he did I saw the woods come alive with movement. First the coyote by the pine tree began warily circling towards the stumps. The stumps were rigged up somehow to pump the beer nut and popcorn up and out like mini volcanoes. Soon the coyotes were coming from everywhere. Henderson moved slowly over to the tanks and opened the spigot and flow bubbled into the fake stream bed. But, it wasn’t water. It was gold and frothy and soon a familiar scent reached me. “That’s right Catcher, it’s beer. This is Pabst Blue Ribbon and a little past its freshness date. They like it all right, but you ought to seem ’em when they get into some Red Dog,” offered Henderson. I was almost stupefied by the drama unfolding in front of me, but my time as a mere spectator was to be short-lived. “Grab that flat-pan,” instructed Henderson as he pointed to a long-handled pan hanging from the wall. The flat-pan looked like an extended pizza paddle with a bed-pan shaped container instead of a flat blade. The handle was a good four feet long, hollow like a tube and connected to a coiled clear hose. As I got a grip on the pan, I watched the coyotes gorge themselves on the beer nuts and popcorn. Soon a few started backing away from the feed and start sniffing around. They started moving towards the stream of beer. “That stuff makes ’em wicked thirsty, they’ll be hitting the brew in a minute,” said Henderson as his eyes followed the pack, “get ready with that pan. You see, Catcher, we recycle wild animal urine. People use it for all kinds of reasons and they pay a lot for it. Your job is to collect it.” “Urine Collector,” I thought, “so that’s what the ad meant when it said ‘work closely with wild animals in their natural environment.'” I watched as the coyotes approached the stream. Henderson was right, they sure were thirsty. “They won’t stop drinking ’till I turn off the spigot. Kinda like the boys down at the Silver Spur. Now this is what you do. Take the pan and get down on your belly and sneak up behind them. As long as the beer tap is open, they won’t bother you. Get about 5 feet behind them, and slide the pan under the business end one of ’em. They’ll start peein’ soon, so be ready. They usually don’t all go at once, so should be able to handle quite a few by yourself . The hose on the handle is connected to a pump, so it’ll take all you can get. By the time we get a full crew hired, we ought to be able to get the whole herd at the same time. Now, collecting from the females is pretty simple, but with the males, it gets kinda tricky. They shoot off to one side or another and it gets worse after they’ve been in the beer for awhile. But, with practice you’ll rarely lose a drop,” instructed Henderson. I looked at the line-up of coyote tails and then looked for the door which Henderson had now fully blocked. I could tell my ground floor opportunity was about to begin. Down I went, pan in hand, and began slithering towards the coyotes. Coyotes look different from that angle. As I got closer, I extended the pan. “Close, get closer,” urged Henderson. I finally got the pan into position just as the flow began. The first was a female and it was a good shot. The male next to her took a little extra wrist action, but again I was successful. I could feel the urine coursing through the handle and into the hose and back to a holding tank concealed somewhere inside the building. In about 5 minutes, I must have collected a gallon or more. Judging from his exuberant body language, Mr. Henderson seemed to be quite pleased. One after another, I positioned my pan in the right spot and then began the subtle moves necessary to catch every last drop. It was more of a dance than anything and I was really getting into it, but then it happened. I should have been more careful, but I was just a beginner. I had my pan in position under a particularly large male, but just as he lifted his left leg he lost his balance on his right momentarily. A little too much Pabst, I suppose. I moved my pan quickly to compensate…..a little to quickly, I’m afraid. I whacked him good on a particularly sensitive part of the male anatomy. The sensation is something no female can comprehend, but as soon as it happened, I felt that coyote’s pain as much as if it was my own. There was no amount of beer that could distract that coyote from what had just occurred. I want to tell you that there is nothing quite like the feeling of being eye-ball to eye-ball with an 60# male coyote than has just had his bells rung. I now appreciated the copy in the rest of the original help wanted ad which read “Great health, accident and death benefits. Athletic flexibility a plus.” As I scrambled to my feet, the coyote took aim and lunged. He would have nailed me if I hadn’t tripped over the urine hose and toppled head long into the beer trough. I regained my footing and scrambled towards the door. Henderson was already on the other side peering out with the door cracked open. I could immediately tell what a warm, sensitive and caring boss he was as I heard him yell, “Shut off the beer, we’re wasting it!” I reached the door with 3 half-drunk coyotes in staggering pursuit. Fortunately, they couldn’t quite coordinate an effective attack and tripped all over each other in their failed attempt to kill me. I made it through the door just inches ahead of a coyote snout. Inside the door, I slumped to the floor. I couldn’t believe what I had just been through. I smelled like a barroom bathroom on Saturday night and looked like a deflated sumo wrestler. Henderson was beaming. “Not bad, son. The last couple of guys weren’t quite as agile as you are. The job is yours. You are a natural,” gushed Henderson. “You are a natural” No one had ever said that to me before. With renewed strength and pride, I pulled myself to my feet and shook Henderson’s outstretched hand.

Until I find more words. . .(my own or someone else’s). The PeeMan