With the solar eclipse today it was also time for the PeeMan to make a rare appearance. I recently discovered that Winterberry Farm is directly in the path of the total solar eclipse, which gave me a few new unique and useful product ideas. I think we should begin marketing these products immediately, but my ideas have met with some resistance from marketing. I can’t figure out why.

A personal favorite are my Pee-clipse Glasses, an innovative new take on traditional eclipse glasses that include yellow-tinted lenses and feature pictures of urinating predators on the sides. We will also offer an option to have the yellow tint come from real urine, with an additional surcharge. You can choose which predator you want to have pee on them and we will include free nose plugs for your comfort and convenience. Make your mark on the world of style!

Another eclipse-themed product that has been ruthlessly stifled by the marketing department is our Pee-clipse Place Protector, or the Triple Pee as I like to call it, for when you want to keep people off that perfect eclipse-viewing spot. Just spray our included Skunk Essence on some of our new sun-shaped scent tags and hang them around your ideal eclipse spot to ensure a clear (or yellow-tinted) view of the solar eclipse! Warning: you may want to hold your breath while viewing the eclipse because your spot will reek of skunk. The total eclipse is about 4 minutes long, but I think you can make it.

Lastly, I believe that the Path of Totali-Pee Kit would be an absolute success. It includes everything you need for your trip to watch the eclipse. Since you never know what you might run into at those rest-stops, I decided to include 5 sample sized urines for your protection, as well as a belt holster so you can keep them close for ready access. It pays to be Pee-pared! I also included a catalog you can read to your children and friends during those long hours in the car, one of our Brimmers in case you run into some bad weather up North, and some aerosolized Raccoon Pee if you need a more aggressive defense of your perfect eclipse spot. From the screams I’ve heard coming from the production room when anyone spills Raccoon Pee, I figure it’s one of the most potent, and would be ideal for spraying at people who get too close!

Marketing claims that encouraging people to read a catalog out loud to people who can’t escape is a violation of the Geneva Convention and the Constitution, but I am more concerned with the fact that the catalog apparently has a PG-13 rating. I tried to explain to them that animals aren’t supposed to wear clothes, but evidently that doesn’t matter. They also said attacking people for getting too close to your eclipse spot is illegal, but I think I can wear them down. Maybe I’ll get these products out by the next eclipse.

If you want to see the unique and useful products that DID make it past marketing and legal, follow this link to our website: https://predatorpeestore.com/

Good luck finding that perfect spot.

-The PeeMan